Thursday, May 23, 2013

The beginning of our story....


...Dreaming

     The only time they ever did find each other was in their dreams. Even then, it never lasted long enough. 
     They had been in search of each other since the beginning of time. When jealousy and hate made their love forbidden. 
    They were cursed to walk the earth apart never knowing each other's identity. Always in search of their missing love. 
      Each life time, they searched for that missing part of themselves. Always knowing it was love that was missing. Never knowing where to find it. 
    If they were lucky enough, they would get a brief glimpse of what once was, of the love they once shared. 
    Many times they would go a whole life time apart. Never finding each other.
    Sometimes, they would find each other too late in life.  After, one or both were already promised to another. 
   Other times, they would find each other too early in life. A longing would be present but were too young to recognize that this was their missing love. Only to regret later not seeing what was plainly in front of them. 
  I hope that once,  in one of our lifetimes, we are able to recognize each early enough, so that we can share our whole life time together.  I love you. 
  Until then my love, I will wait for you in my dreams. 

In my most recent life time, I found my love when I was only 16 years old. I didn't realize that this was my love, whom I had been searching for since the beginning if time.  A love that I had been separated from at a young age. 
 Sixteen was so young to know what love was, is what some people might say. But, I knew I loved him from the very beginning. There was a strong  pull between us, an instant connection. 
I remember running home to my mother and telling her about the love I found. Explaining to her how I felt when I was with him. 
Only to have her hurtful words break my heart. My mother proceeded to tell me I was too young to know what love was. That this was impossible! I had to stay away from him. I was then forbidden to see him, talk to him or be any where near him! He wasn't right for me! 
Little did they know that he and I would always be pulled to each other. 
In every life time, jealousy and hatred had managed to keep us separated. This would be another lifetime I would go without my love. 

It has been over 20 years since that fateful first day my love walked into my life. Although, we have found each other again, we are too late. 
We are both married, to other people,  whom we can't leave,  for various reasons. We are struggling in these relationships. Although,  we have been friends forever,  trying to hold onto our love and trying to hold on to our relationship, it's just not working.  We are now in the process of trying to leave each other, so that our relationships might have a possible chance. 
Leaving him and saying goodbye is killing me. I can't imagine him gone from my life. But, it's happening. 

I love him and yet I am loosing him again.  I am letting him go. It is the hardest thing I will ever do. He is struggling within his own relationship just as I am. Any other relationship apart from one another will only be full of strife, because it is him and I that were meant to be, no other. 

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