tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17683463956917994352024-03-05T20:29:57.790-08:00Cherry Cream SodaCherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-33267393498231730262013-08-29T10:47:00.001-07:002013-08-29T10:47:58.847-07:00Mixed feelingsDespite us being friends again, I get these weird feelings some days that he's just not into it. But, then the next day he is going out of his way to meet me for coffee, taking a risk to see me. <div>Being in a relationship like this is hard. Nothing is real. He is not mine and I am not his, yet we are connected some way. Some days, I wish cutting the connection was easy. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-90375835666538671942013-07-26T21:06:00.001-07:002013-08-25T14:50:29.520-07:00SorryIt's been so long since I've posted. I am sorry. Summer was a busy time for me. <div>Let me see if I can get you caught up as to where everything is at now a days. </div><div>James and I are back at being friends. Our split lasted four months. I think I missed him more than he missed me, truthfully. But, I will never really know, and I don't feel like bringing up all that mess again. </div><div>As for my husband and me, we are still moving along. We have our good days and our bad days, like any other couple. </div><div>But, lately, I've had this feeling like James has to be in my life for a reason. I don't know what the reason is, but that at least brings me some kind of comfort.</div><div>We've meet recently for coffee and just talked with one another. It was nice seeing him and just sitting and listening to him. I would have loved to being doing other things with this boy but I wanted him to see that we could have nice outings with each other that didn't always involve getting naked together. :) </div><div>God, he makes me so nervous every time I am going to see him. My nerves just won't calm down. It's funny. I don't know what the nervousness is from. I've known him literally forever. But, just having to sit there and wait sends jitters throughout my body. </div><div>I am happy to have him back for now. I feel like I'm on borrowed time and it will all come crashing down again. I have no idea what this Valentines Day will hold. Hopefully, not more drama. We can only wait and see. </div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-31406152202868444612013-06-22T18:26:00.001-07:002013-06-22T18:26:14.464-07:00Mixed feelingsHe came back like I wanted him too but I have mixed feelings about it because he's not giving me a 100% like he use to. He is closing himself off to me a bit. I think he is afraid of his feeling towards me. <div>I think I'm not going to email him again until he emails me. I can hold off too. And not share myself with him either. </div><div>I want him to miss me. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-6248241603876290292013-06-17T11:47:00.001-07:002013-06-17T11:47:57.747-07:00Happy Happy Happy!!He came back to me today. ;) I am so happy. I won him over!!! <div>I have restrictions though, that I set. I am going to email him a couple days a week. And I will keep the conversations away from the forbidden zone. Even though, I so want him and I still think about him constantly. </div><div>But, I m happy to have him back!! I love him. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-67276429512550015642013-06-16T15:58:00.001-07:002013-06-16T15:58:20.676-07:00BoredI haven't written in awhile and for that I am sorry. I have been busy with graduations and such. Plus, I've been trying not to think of James. But, that hasn't gone so well. I've talked to or with him several times since my last post. I am trying to prove to him that we can have a normal friendship. I keep all our conversations away from the topic or me and him and us wanting each other and it not being possible. <div>Ivan really say, I enjoy talking with him and hearing his opinion on things. And I have really missed that. So, slowly by slowly I am trying to win him back. </div><div>Thursday & Friday I was able to email him throughout the day & he would respond. It was nice. I don't want to overkill it already but I want more as usual. I always want more with him. </div><div>So here is to hopefully starting up our friendship again because 4 months without him is too much. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-21847770852719933802013-05-23T20:02:00.001-07:002013-05-23T20:02:23.571-07:00The beginning of our story....<div><br></div><div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">...Dreaming</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> The only time they ever did find each other was in their dreams. Even then, it never lasted long enough. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> They had been in search of each other since the beginning of time. When jealousy and hate made their love forbidden. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> They were cursed to walk the earth apart never knowing each other's identity. Always in search of their missing love. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Each life time, they searched for that missing part of themselves. Always knowing it was love that was missing. Never knowing where to find it. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> If they were lucky enough, they would get a brief glimpse of what once was, of the love they once shared. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Many times they would go a whole life time apart. Never finding each other.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Sometimes, they would find each other too late in life. After, one or both were already promised to another. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Other times, they would find each other too early in life. A longing would be present but were too young to recognize that this was their missing love. Only to regret later not seeing what was plainly in front of them. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> I hope that once, in one of our lifetimes, we are able to recognize each early enough, so that we can share our whole life time together. I love you. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Until then my love, I will wait for you in my dreams. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">In my most recent life time, I found my love when I was only 16 years old. I didn't realize that this was my love, whom I had been searching for since the beginning if time. A love that I had been separated from at a young age. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Sixteen was so young to know what love was, is what some people might say. But, I knew I loved him from the very beginning. There was a strong pull between us, an instant connection. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">I remember running home to my mother and telling her about the love I found. Explaining to her how I felt when I was with him. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Only to have her hurtful words break my heart. My mother proceeded to tell me I was too young to know what love was. That this was impossible! I had to stay away from him. I was then forbidden to see him, talk to him or be any where near him! He wasn't right for me! </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Little did they know that he and I would always be pulled to each other. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">In every life time, jealousy and hatred had managed to keep us separated. This would be another lifetime I would go without my love. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">It has been over 20 years since that fateful first day my love walked into my life. Although, we have found each other again, we are too late. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">We are both married, to other people, whom we can't leave, for various reasons. We are struggling in these relationships. Although, we have been friends forever, trying to hold onto our love and trying to hold on to our relationship, it's just not working. We are now in the process of trying to leave each other, so that our relationships might have a possible chance. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Leaving him and saying goodbye is killing me. I can't imagine him gone from my life. But, it's happening. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">I love him and yet I am loosing him again. I am letting him go. It is the hardest thing I will ever do. He is struggling within his own relationship just as I am. Any other relationship apart from one another will only be full of strife, because it is him and I that were meant to be, no other. </div></div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-79646785143685970432013-05-23T19:44:00.001-07:002013-05-23T19:50:45.864-07:00I emailed him yesterday. I emailed him yesterday and asked him if he missed me and he responded "of course I do". But he still won't come back. <div><div class="xk" style="overflow: visible; "><div class="yk" style="height: 88px; "><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is what he sent me about why he is staying away; (oh and I had sent him a photo of myself)</span></div><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It's an amazing pic, and very tempting. It just doesn't help me try to make things work in my marriage. It's too tempting, and can only lead to trouble, in my life.<br></span><div style="clear: both; "></div></div><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I then ask him how things were going with him. He told me this about him and his wife; Sometimes it seems like we're getting better. Other times it's as if there is no hope. It's a struggle.</span></div><div class="xk" style="overflow: visible; "><div class="yk" style="height: 66px; "><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><div style="clear: both; "></div></div></div></div><div style="clear: both; "></div><div class="xk" style="overflow: visible; "><div class="yk" style="height: 102px; "></div></div><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">this;</span></div><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></div><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div></div></div><div style="clear: both; "></div><div class="xk" style="overflow: visible; "><div class="yk" style="height: 102px; "><div class="xk" style="overflow: visible; "><div class="yk" style="height: 66px; "><div class="wk zk ek" dir="ltr" style="overflow: hidden; "><br></div></div></div></div></div></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-14403692469566727382013-05-20T16:08:00.001-07:002013-05-21T08:02:52.736-07:00Part 20: The boy who haunts my dreamsJames got married again and not because he truly loved her but out of obligation. He wanted to be there for his kids. <div>I guess his new wife Marie, had her own issues. It is not like he did any better marrying his 2nd wife. He would have better sticking it out with his first wife. </div><div>James explained to me how his new wife was bipolar and often had severe mood swings. And how being married to her was hard. </div><div>I just listened. Wanting nothing more than to be his friend. </div><div>James and Marie had their baby girl and gave birth to a baby boy a couple years later. </div><div>We were still emailing each, about every day. Talking mostly about ourselves and our families. </div><div>This friendship quickly turned into a 5 year friendship. Still completely innocent. We did have some conversations about what was and what could have been but it was just conversation. A fun conversation. </div><div><br></div><div> </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-16217185689496267852013-05-20T08:37:00.001-07:002013-05-20T15:52:19.568-07:00Part 19: The boy who haunts my dreamsWe began talking like we had never been apart. We caught each other up on our lives. I told him about the three boys I now had. He told me about his divorce. I don't think they were married more than a year. James just told me that they weren't ready to be married, that is why they divorced. I always suspected there was more but he never admitted to it. Whatever it was, it was his fault. I sometimes wonder if he cheated on his wife and he couldn't admit it to me. I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter now. <div>But, over the next few months we talked about everything. We talked about stupid things, silly things, everything about each other. </div><div>James and I never had good timing. A few months passed by and James told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. It was unexpected. And that soon they would be married. A simple court wedding, nothing big. </div><div>I told you, James and I had bad timing. We were always drawn together but never meant to be I guess. I don't know why though. It seemed like everything in the universe was trying to keep us apart but pushing us together at the same time. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-65354971105178120562013-05-19T17:22:00.001-07:002013-05-20T07:57:04.466-07:00Part 18: The boy who haunts my dreamsIt wasn't till after my third child that I came into contact with James. <div>I think I contacted him every time I was extremely unhappy with how things were going in my marriage. </div><div>My third son was about two years old when I called up James' mom asking how he was doing. She asked once again if I was married and then told me that James had gotten divorced. Then, she gave me his address to get in touch with him. </div><div>(Holy cow, James was divorced!!!) I have to admit I was a little bit happy, only because he would be available to talk with and I wouldn't be intruding on his marriage. </div><div>I wrote him and gave him my email address and told him to get in touch with me if he wanted to talk to an old friend. </div><div>Two weeks later, an email from James appeared in my inbox. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-61353191920577548462013-05-17T23:09:00.001-07:002013-05-17T23:09:30.945-07:00Aaah!I miss him. I wish he wasn't so stubborn. I wish he would just come back or just let me know he misses me too. Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-63884610478338731472013-05-16T18:16:00.001-07:002013-05-17T09:06:38.312-07:00Part 17: Life with my husbandAfter that last encounter, I was finished. We either separated or worked on our marriage. 23 years later, I guess we decided to work on it. <div>It wasn't easy. My husbands friend, continued to call the house and want more. I talked to Jacob one time and told him I couldn't do it any more but he didn't listen. </div><div>One time Jacob called and was talking to my husband and I stayed on the other phone and listened. Jacob was totally lying to my husband about things that were said. I was so thankful that I listened to the conversation. I then told my husband all that Jacob was doing, all his late night calls trying to get me to go out with him. Luckily, my husband believed me and my husband had to say goodbye to Jacob as a friend, because Jacob wouldn't stop. </div><div>After that things slowed down, my husband stopped talking about the threesomes and we had a normal marriage. Things weren't any easier. They were hard. But, I guess we were use to it. I don't know. </div><div>A few years went by and we were having our second child. Still no contact with James. I was busy being a mom and starting my career after graduating college. </div><div>My career really didn't last very long because of the arrival of my second child but it was ok. I got to stay home and raise both of my kids not too many complaints. </div><div>But yes, my husband I were still having our difficulties. His sport still took priority in our lives. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-59117078969290989572013-05-15T14:51:00.000-07:002013-05-15T14:51:44.932-07:00Part 16: Life with my husbandWe tried to get things back to normal but it wasn't so easy. My husband was spending long hours with his sport. I was finishing up my last year of college and my husband still had the idea of threesomes stuck in his head. The threesome idea just complicated things even more.<br />
One night, my husband had invited his friend over, which was a normal occurance. We had this friend over all the time, he was even in our wedding, so there was nothing unusual about that. But, what threw me off was when my husband had insisted that he needed to take a quick shower just as his friend arrived. I never really liked being alone with his friends. I didn't want to make small talk and have to occupy them. <br />
So, my husband was taking his shower and his friend Jacob came and sat right down next to me. Super close, right next to me. I tried to scoot over but there was no where to go. Ok, weird I thought, then it happened. Jacob put his hand on my thigh! WHAT???!!! Hmmm. I pushed it off. But, then Jacob went to explain that it was ok, my husband had invited him over for that specific reason. My husband wanted to watch his friend Jacob with me! <br />
I don't know. I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I had never been put in a situation like this before. My husband was telling me to be with Jacob, that he wanted me to and that he wanted to watch it all happen! <br />
I didn't really find Jacob all that cute but I still went along with my husband's stupid idea. MISTAKE!<br />
I let jacob kiss me and touch me and truthfully, it wasn't that bad but I should have told both of them that they were crazy and to get the hell out of my house, but I didn't.<br />
My husband really like watching his friend touch my body and kiss me. But, I don't think he realized how much he would enjoy seeing another man push his huge cock inside his wife (in the middle of his livingroom.) (oh my GOD, the thing was gigantic!) It felt soo good, I couldn't say no. It filled up every last inch of me. I had to stop this! I told Jacob that we couldn't do this. I lied and told him that I wasn't on birth control and it had to stop before something happened. Jacob stopped. I got up and left the room and my husband told Jacob goodbye. <br />
My husband then came into our bedroom and then finished the job that was started. We talked about what had happened, and I told him, it was one thing to talk about, but to actually do it was a whole other thing. Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-6559559477781274682013-05-14T22:44:00.001-07:002013-05-14T22:44:49.870-07:00FrustratedI'm so frustrated with James. He will email me that he was or is thinking of me after I tell him I miss him and then that is it. No more. <div>I email him back but I get no response. It just makes me feel like crap. </div><div>I really just want a normal friendship but I can't even have that. </div><div>I want to forget him. </div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-14935836168741068372013-05-14T09:49:00.001-07:002013-05-14T10:09:00.048-07:00Part: 15 Life with my husbandI don't think my marriage ever really had much of a chance. We always found ways to undermine it. We just stay together, I think for convience. <div>I had left all thoughts of James behind. He was getting married and that would be the end of all this nonsense. </div><div>I tried putting all my effort into my husband but it never went well. </div><div>We sabotaged things ourselves. We needed no help from others. </div><div>There was this one time, when we went out dancing with another couple. we had plenty to drink and were having fun together. But, my husband then starts dancing with the other couples wife. But, not normal dancing. He is dirty dancing up on her. This bothered me. It showed me he really didn't care about what I thought. So, I decided to start dancing with her husband as payback. But, I took it one step further. (The alcohol made it easy to do.) I started kissing him right in front of my husband. </div><div>I look back on it now, and it was so stupid. I feel really bad for the couple we went out with that night. I guess they were having problems of their own and divorced a few years later. I wonder if that night played any roll in their decision? I am sorry for that. </div><div>Nothing else happened that night besides what went on in the club. My husband did try to push the idea of a threesome or foursome with them but I shot that idea down right away. </div><div>But, the threesome idea was never too far from the thoughts of my husband. A bad seed of a threesome had been planted in my husbands head by our old friends John and Carrie. He just needed time for this to happen. <br><div><br></div></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-47438478419853163592013-05-14T08:19:00.001-07:002013-05-14T08:19:51.625-07:00Get out of my brain!I want to get him out of my system. <div>He is like a parasite that won't go away. He has rooted himself deep inside of me. I need him gone so I can live a normal life. </div><div>I welcomed my dreams of him back. Because when my dreams of him came back all my other crazy dreams came back too. </div><div>But, I dreamt of him again last night. But, this time his family was with him. I guess they were vacationing at the same place we were. </div><div>I saw him interacting with his family. It was kind of like being a fly on the wall. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-69338967900102570942013-05-13T10:12:00.001-07:002013-05-13T10:12:56.796-07:00Part 14: The Boy who haunts my dreams.So, things were hard with my husband after that. We struggled quite a bit, we still do. <div>A year past and spring came and James was in town again. I can't remember how we kept in touch sporadically through the year, I really don't think we did. But, some how we got in touch with each other again and made plans to meet up. </div><div>I was finishing my degree that I had not yet completed because I had gotten married and had a baby. So, finding an excuse to get away for a bit wasn't too hard. </div><div>We met and had lunch together. We met another time and had an other encounter. But, it never really went past that. </div><div>We lost touch with each other for a few years. Until he came into town one day for a funeral. His dad had past away. And he was back in town for that. We met up and had lunch together. I guess at that time James was in a pretty serious relationship. But despite this we hadour usual encounter. </div><div>That was the last time I saw James for about 4 years.</div><div>I forgot about James after that. I tried to put all my effort into my marriage </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-39309291287340829642013-05-12T19:08:00.001-07:002013-05-12T19:11:08.644-07:00Part 13: The boy who haunts my dreams.Things didn't go smoothly after this encounter. I realized how messed up my marriage really was. <div>I think I was so use to my husband selfish ways that I stopped caring about him and just decided to take care of my own needs, along with the needs of my son. </div><div>Some how, I told my husband about the encounter with James. Oh, to say he wasn't happy was an understatement. He was angry and hurt. Now he knew how I felt about all the things he had done to me. </div><div>Time went by. He forgave me and we decided to try harder on our marriage but that is also when he made his mistake, right after that conversation. Maybe, he did it on purpose to get back at me, I don't know. I don't care anymore. </div><div>Here is the story; </div><div>Our friends, John and Carrie were planning on coming over to our house that evening for pizza and a movie. My husband was going over to pick up John and go get the pizza and Carrie was going to drive over with her baby. </div><div>When my husband got to their house a few streets over, they weren't ready to go yet. So, he hung out a bit and waited for them. But, in the mean time my husband needed to use the restroom. John told him that the other one was dirty so use the one in the master bedroom. </div><div>Well, this happened to be the place where Carrie was at. She had just finished her shower and my husband walked in on her naked. </div><div>I think my husband went willingly. He says he was tricked. I am not that stupid. John had showed him pictures of Carrie naked before. I didn't know any of this was going on until afterwards. I guess John and Carrie were into threesomes. And they had just introduced my husband into that lifestyle. </div><div>Anyway, my husband had just walked in on Carrie naked. And from what I got of the story, she offered him a blowjob and he accepted willingly. He swears this is all that happened but I don't believe it. I let him think I believed his story. </div><div>I think he tried to kiss her. I am sure the grabbed her large tits and felt her up. Maybe he even sucked on them a bit but all I was told from him was that she didn't let him touched her but while she was naked she sucked him off. </div><div>After that they came over to my house and pretended nothing happened. </div><div>I found out a few days later. I never spoke to her after that. She called and apologized but I ignored her phone calls. She even came to the house one day but I wouldn't open the door to her. We were never friends with either of them again. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-15139599260851338162013-05-12T09:30:00.001-07:002013-05-12T09:30:50.136-07:00DreamsIt's been so long since I've dreamt of him. Last night they came back. <div>I love dreaming of him. </div><div>We were together, happy. It wasn't more than that. Us together holding hands and hugging each other. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-84935533505059179222013-05-10T13:07:00.001-07:002013-05-10T13:07:46.447-07:00Part 12: The boy who haunts my dreams.I had pulled over in an old shopping center that didn't have too much activity. A few cars, but I parked farther out. <div>My intentions were to just kiss James, nothing else. I think back now, maybe he had other ideas & intentions. </div><div>But it didn't matter, he felt so good and kissing him was so nice. I missed him. </div><div>We kissed passionately for some time with his hand exploring my body. </div><div>James then began to undo my pants. I probably panicked the tiniest of bit, for a split second, but he was what I was missing. </div><div>I had regretted not being with him that night we met and I snuck him up into my dorm room. </div><div>I let James undo my pants and I let him push them down. </div><div>James then undid his jeans. (He was wearing Lucky Jeans and when he undid his zipper it read "Lucky You". Oh that was so true! Lucky me!!!) But when he undid his Jeans, I noticed that he was wearing nothing underneath. No underwear of any kind." Oh this did me in. I had no chance of saying no. </div><div>James then climbed on top of me in my car and we had our first encounter together. </div><div>Yes, it should have been different. It should have been in my dorm room all those years ago. (But, I think he respected and wanted me a little bit more for being able to resist him and saying no.) But, it didn't matter. We were finally getting each other and I was glad. </div><div>That was the first times James and I were together but nowhere near the last. </div><div>We straightened up and headed home after that. </div><div>I dropped him off at his mom's house and we said goodbye. </div><div>I think we wrote a few letters back and forth and eventually lost touch. </div><div>I figured it was too risky writing him and having my husband find out what I did during Christmas break. </div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-34872069808547548632013-05-09T13:43:00.001-07:002013-05-10T12:48:12.799-07:00StillI still love him. Those feelings haven't gone away. I don't think they ever will. They will just be suppressed. Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-43243745902742721402013-05-09T11:56:00.001-07:002013-05-09T11:56:55.995-07:00All this writing....God, I have been wanting him so bad lately. I think maybe because I have been writing down our story and reminiscing about things. Doing this has really made me miss him. I wish we didn't have to say goodbye. I wish he didn't need it as much as he did, because his relationship was failing. <div>I wish he would come back. </div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-55091251367819212582013-05-09T11:52:00.001-07:002013-05-09T11:52:40.057-07:00Part 11: The boy who haunts my dreams.Christmas vacation came. James was in town.<div> I guess I was daring because I called James up and asked if he would like to meet up. We decided we would keep it simple and just meet at the mall. </div><div>It was nice seeing him again. We went to the mall and just hung out a bit. Easy and innocent. Nothing wrong with just seeing an old friend. </div><div>We said goodbye, and said we would call each other again before he left. </div><div>A couple days went by and I called James and asked him if he would like to join me for a beach trip. He agreed. I picked him up and we drove to Laguna Beach. </div><div>Spending times with James was always easy. We have always gotten along. I don't ever remember a time where we fought. We have interesting discussions but never fight. </div><div>Anyway, we drove to a beach in Laguna and spent all of our day there together. We didn't have much time but it was perfect. </div><div>We climbed this really tall rock that over looked the ocean. We sat up there for the longest time and talked with each other about everything. And got caught up with each others lives. </div><div>Before heading home we stopped and got lunch together. (Which later on became this thing with us taking turns paying for each other.) </div><div>On the way home we hit a little bit of traffic and ended up playing pinch buggy. Which turned into hands lingering on each others bodies longer that necessary. </div><div>James told me that he wanted to hold my hand the whole time we were up on that rock. I replied back to him, that he should have. I would have let him. </div><div>He then told me that he even thought of kissing me but stopped because I was married.<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> I replied sweetly back to him, that he should have. I would have let him. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">James then put his hand on my upper thigh and squeezed it a bit and a chill ran throughout my body. He then turned to me and kissed me passionately on the lips while I was driving. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This little playfulness went back and forth a few times. And I had decided that it was too dangerous to be doing what we were doing driving. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So, I pulled my car over to any empty shopping center and parked my car. </span></div><div><br></div>Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-77651570584577448862013-05-08T10:04:00.001-07:002013-05-08T10:04:10.919-07:00Part 10: The boy who haunts my dreams.So where did I leave off? Oh my husband left me to go to the Caribbean by himself. <br />
I stayed married to him, despite being crushed. We've been married 23 years now and things haven't been easy for us. <br />
I think maybe we were too young when we got married. I came from an ultra strict family. I wasn't allowed to do anything. I think this pushed me into wanting to get married early, to get out from under my parents rules. I would have liked to have lived alone awhile and got to know myself before having to deal right away with someone else. <br />
We struggled, we still struggle. But, I think all relationships do, but maybe ours more than others. <br />
So, about three years had passed maybe longer years since I last saw James. <br />
( I did send him a wedding invitation but not to be mean. Maybe, I was hoping he'd make an appearance before hand and change my mind.)<br />
My son was about two when I came into contact with James. I had his telephone number still, from when he lived in town. So, I called it. I knew I wouldn't get James but I did get his mother. <br />
I asked about James and how he was. She asked if I was married. And we talked a bit. <br />
I had met James' mother one time before. This was during the summer not exactly sure when. She was nice, she invited me in and we talked a bit. James had been in town but had to leave because of being in the military. I had missed saying goodbye to him. But, his mother did know how much the two of us cared for each other. <br />
Ok, back to my story. I called his mom and asked for his address to write him. <br />
I wrote him a letter and sent it. (This was all before email and texting and cell phones.) He wrote me back and said he'd be in town during Christmas maybe we could meet up. Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1768346395691799435.post-86694524799473935682013-05-07T22:03:00.001-07:002013-05-08T09:28:49.951-07:00Part 9: The boy who haunts my dreams.During the 3 years James and I didn't have contact with each other, I got married and had a baby. <br />
Marriage was difficult. My husband is so stubborn. <br />
I hated that he expected sex everyday. He would do it with me even when I didn't want to. He would force himself on me. It was devastating. I never expected this from someone who loved me. <br />
Things didn't start off very well with my marriage anyway. My husband got the "opportunity of a life time", with the sports team he was on to go to the Caribbean and compete. <br />
We rearranged our wedding date so it wouldn't interfere with his beloved sports schedule. <br />
I thought a trip to the Caribbean would be awesome. I told my newly married husband that I wanted to go with him on this trip. It would be so nice to start our marriage off with such an experience. I took off a week from work. We had no debt, so I thought we would just charge my ticket and we would be set. <br />
To my shock, I was not invited to this coed trip with his sports team. <br />
I was devastated. My husband said that the coach wouldn't let him take his new bride on the trip I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was leaving me behind a month after we were married. <br />
I think this one act of him leaving me behind, set our marriage on the wrong track. I was hurt beyond repair. I still am sensitive about this issue and its 23 years later. Writing about it, brings tears to my eyes. <br />
I would have never left my love behind but he had no problem doing it to me.<br />
But, my husband has always said that his sport comes before me. I should have left him that first month. Another date, that I would go back to and change. Cherry Cream Sodahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02830608473825556450noreply@blogger.com0