I told my husband

I told my husband the other night that I missed James, my friend. I explained that we were trying to be good because things weren't going very good in his relationship, (mine also, but I didn't say anything about that.)
I told him that it wasn't improving his relationship and I missed talking with him. My husband told me not to worry about it too  much because he (James) would be back. (I really hope he comes back.) My husband then told me that he just wants me happy and he knows that having James in my life makes me happy.
I am so bad aren't I? I know I shouldn't want to have James in my life so bad but it is hard. I really do like having him as a friend and a "special friend" as well (which my husband really likes talking about late at night.)
My  husband even told me, that if I needed to get away for a few hours one day, he would have no problem with that. He said he'd understand. Crazy! I don't think I'd ever tell him why I needed to get away. I think that I would make up some other excuse. It would be too much knowing that he knows what I was doing.
My relationship with my husband is all messed up. He even said last night that he was so lucky to have me as a wife. Why, I don't think you are lucky at all, is what I replied.