Why God?

I know what I'm going through right now is my fault. But I am left wondering why God put him in my life and let him make such an impact on my heart for all these years, if he was to never be mine?
God knew that I'd fall in love with him and that I'd always love him. He knows everything and how everything will turn out, so why put him in my life? Why put me in his life?
I'm utterly confused by this.

In the end we I believed we both loved each other. We couldn't do anything about that love and it couldn't go anywhere. Nothing good came out of it, only heartbreak and tears, my tears.
I think of him all the time. I see something or think of something that I want to tell him and then I realize, that he is no longer mine or around to tell. Then, my heart breaks all over again.
I fell in love with him all over again. What did I expect would happen? Talking with him everyday, sharing every secret, and talking about everything with him could only lead me to one place. Heartbreak. I was stupid. I knew better. But, I let myself believe we could be happy. Lies. Lies, I told myself. Lies we both told each other. There was no happiness at the end of this road. Only our sadness remained.
To be totally honest, I have bouts of severe unhappiness. In the beginning I didn't know how to handle it all. It was overwhelming. Devastating. I really didn't know how to handle any of it. I wanted to die. I wanted the pain of my heartache to go away and it wouldn't. I thought maybe if I could feel pain else where I could focus on that. I was on the verge of hurting myself, just to numb these feelings. I didn't do it but was so close.
Even now, I don't care if I die. I welcome it. I am that sad. I would rather feel nothing than what I am feeling now.
But, in the mean time I have decided that maybe I would get a tattoo to remind myself to let go of him and to have an outlet for the pain my heart was feeling. I've decide on a dandelion with the words "let go" next to it. I want to get it on my hip, his favorite part of my body.
I don't know what else to do.